I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
