What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
