I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
