My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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