your thong is hanging out like whoa
smell my finger.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
