I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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