while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
