is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
