i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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