Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
