My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
