Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
