5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
