bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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