I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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