Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
