bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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