he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
