it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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