i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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