$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
