you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
