it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
