Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
