it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
