Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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