so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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