roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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