if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
