I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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