Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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