I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
