There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
