someone threw a dead crab at me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
