You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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