what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
