every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
