I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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