so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
