you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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