I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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