my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize