i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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