Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My dick has a subreddit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
