FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
