craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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