garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
