I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
