two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
