Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
