if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize