I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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