Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
whose parrot is this?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
