Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
