I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
