I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
