How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
