im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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