NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
