they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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