You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
