zippers are such a cool invention
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
