alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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