You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
