At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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