Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
