U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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