hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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